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Living in a crowded city like area like New York, space is a luxury. From roommates, to crowded subways, to crowded elevators, one can easily lose their personal space. But people here have developed a talent that allows them to create their own flexible personal bubble.
Space is all in the mind. No matter how close in proximity you are to people you don’t know, if your mind is somewhere, then, voila! you are in your own bubble. Headphone and books make you oblivious to your surroundings. Staring at nothing also keeps you occupied in that long subway ride when you forget your headphones. But there is always that jerk that bursts everybody’s personal bubble. The trick is to tell that jerk to ef off (which I don’t do), give the jerk a withering stare (which never gets results), get away from the jerk (this I do, if the jerk is insufferable) or let go and go back to your personal bubble.
Ahh.. only in NYC can one be so close to another person yet so far away.
The only thing nice about this I get to appeciate every day I spend with my son. I enjoy having breakfast with him and driving him tol school. I enjoy helping him with his homework then watching TV with him after. Aside from that, I feel that days seems to drag on and on and on. I have no desire nor energy to go out of the house. Stress is draining.
I cannot wait to board an airplane again. I wanted to take Lorenz to Tokyo but I gotta tighten my belt now so Vietnam and Cambodia are the other alternatives. I want to do that trip before I go back to NYC next month. But with the workload the the VIP visitors I’ll be having this month, it will be a squeeze. Hopefully Lorenz and I can do these trips before the year ends.
It is just my son and the prospect of travel that is keeping me sane these times. Workload is tough and don’t get me wrong, at this time I am glad to have a workload. And Manila is Manila. Oh, I am rambling. I need to get on that plane!
Oh gosh.. it’s still Wednesday morning. I wish days would move faster.
I have been pulled in different directions these past months. Through the weeks, I have been multi-tasking all over the place. My idea of relaxation is studying, reading the newspaper or watching the news. Watching the news didn’t help either with the economy going down, jobs being lost, stock market being so volatile . I thought I can go one at this pace until I got the flu and was confined to bed for 3 days. I said, well, I gotta relax.
For months, I had no desire to go out clubbing. It’s too tiring. People who know me would say, “Haaay, it’s about time.” True, true, I have been going clubbing since I was 14 years old. I mean, I would still wanna go clubbing once in a while (like once in two months) but I don’t miss it. I also have no desire to get dead drunk like before. It’s just too tiring and I have to work the next day. Before I can drink until 4-5am and still get up and work at 8am. Now, I just can’t do it anymore. I get headaches. I lose the day after my drunken spree the night before. I must be getting old.
With so many things going on with my job and myself enjoying mothering, I didn’t want to go out. But I said, I might not be in the mood to go out clubbing and drinking but this 28-year old still knows how to relax. So, most of the time, I just stay home and do some relaxing stuff that I will share with you on the next post.
It was a rainy Tuesday night when I decided to update my Friendster profile. There is the “About Me” section that I didn’t really fill up. Then when I started describing myself in that section, words just came.. fast. I was on Emo mode.
So here is my Friendster, About Me:
——————
I am a city girl through and through. I easily get bored. I like the fast-paced lifestyle and yeah.. in some ways the stress. If motivated, I can work like there is no tomorrow. But once in a while, I like to kick back and relax for a couple of weeks.
I like to travel. I like living out of the suitcase although I hate packing. I love airports. I love the adventure of a new place. You can put me in a packed train or a nook and cranny asian eatery or wherever.. I’ll be ok and be having fun! And after a few weeks, I get bored again — except if its NYC. I can lose myself in the Big Apple for months.
I respect hardwork and honesty. I admire intelligence. I hate pretensions. I am not judgmental. I try to be true to myself – who I am, where I come from, the people who helped me along the way.
I am a work-in-progress. In some aspects, I am still a young, Filipina girl trying to know what she wants, realizing what she can do and empowering herself to get it no matter how difficult and unconventional it is and then pushing herself some more. And yet, in some ways, quite grown-up too, in realizing all these.
Yeah…I’m gonna get there..and I’m gonna do my hardest to give my son the best opportunities. And I’m gonna get by with a lot of help, lot of luck, guts, hardwork.. and yeah.. a lot of faith.
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As I read it, I said, yeah.. that’s me – a confused combination of bitter, jaded and hopeful!
I haven’t been blogging in awhile. So many things have happened in the past several months that I do not even know where to start. Now, I am in NYC in an extended trip. My son will be turning 10 a few days from now and I will be turning 28 soon afterwards.
I have discovered several things about myself the past months. In my Chinese fortune cookie, it said: “Doing what you like is FREEDOM. Liking what you do is HAPPINESS. “
I will elaborate more in later posts. Suffice it to say, I’m back blogging!!!!! 
My friend and I had this discussion last night. Through the years we have known each other, we have come to realize how impressionable we were, especially when it comes to men. Yes, men (in our personal and professional lives) And the thing is, I think of us as reasonably level-headed women who are not lacking in critical thinking skills when it comes to other subject matters. But when it comes to men - yes, we are impressionable sans the independent critical thinking. Oh so sad. 
(I blame it on the hormones)
Being impressionable means being easily impressed or influenced. Is he intelligent? Is he succesful? For me, if the answer is “yes”, then I get impressed. So impressed that I sometimes overlook how he acts, how he treats me or other people. If the answer is “yes”, then I get influenced. So influenced that only his opinion matters and I stop thinking for myself. And God help me if the answer is “yes” and he’s damn sexy too! (thinking skills thrown out the window!)
Don’t get me wrong. I highly respect these men. I value their opinion and I admire their accomplishments. BUT, I still need to be objective. The respect and admiration is still there, but when I am dealing with them, I have to remember take what they are saying, observe how they are acting and think and formulate an opinion for myself. I have to make sure we are on the same page and his interest and my interest are parallel. If our interests are indeed parallel, then I got myself an intelligent ally who might turn out to be a good friend. If not, then, at least there was no miscommunication and failed expectations – no harm, no foul.
Now, my friend and I are slowly learning. Yeah, sometimes we still swoon (for lack of better term). But at the end of the day/week/month (depends really, but we are gunning for a week, the latest) after meeting this highly intelligent and successful person and relating to him at work or in a social capacity, we try to “disassociate” ourselves from the strong initial impression and admiration and actually do the not-so-fun job of honest and objective evaluation.
Let me add to what Fergie said: “Big girls don’t cry AND big girls think and listen to themselves first.”
2007 was a tough and a memorable year marked by changes and transitions. The first 3 quarters was tough. The transition from being single to a full-time single parent was challenging. I had issues with my family too stemming from my son’s move to Manila. I had the experience of having a loved one diagnosed with a life threatening illness. I almost had a 2nd marriage,then broke-up with my boyfriend for 3 years. Work offered me a variety of tough, tough mental and yes, even emotional challenges as well that made me question myself, my abilities. I partied up, made stupid mistakes that got me depressed after, got angry and blamed people, became unmotivated. I got lost.
Then things made a bit of a turn around in the last quarter. I had an honest, no-holds-barred talk with my mom that finally repaired our relationship. It took a long time coming, 20 years to be exact. Getting over the break-up was tough, to be honest. But then, I quit being on the rebound and finally let go. My boss gave me an exciting opportunity to co-author a paper with him in this year’s Michigan conference. Now that really motivated me to work long hours. I was given an opportunity to do professional public speaking. Now I am really excited by that gig. I had a wonderful vacation where I met new people and got reacquainted with old friends. And most importantly, I am bonding with my son. I am seeing him grow and I am being a mom.
The things that happened to me this year changed me. But this I tell you, I now know what I want. I know the people who matter. I have become more practical and realistic. Have I become a better person? Well, I hope so. Only time will tell. But I have grown to be a big girl this year. Fergie said that big girls don’t cry. But I cry, get hurt, laugh, do stupid things, can be bitchy, can be naughty. I can still be unfocused and make bad decisions. But I know when push comes to shove, I can pull myself together and trust myself to do the right thing. 2007 taught me that lesson.
What a year, what a year! I am thankful for everything that happened to me in 2007. Things have a way of working themselves out. I feel lucky and blessed. And I look forward to 2008. May we have good health, become better persons and have peace and happiness in our lives this 2008 and the years to come.
Happy New Year everyone!
Dear ****,
I don’t know you that well. And I don’t know if we’ll meet again. I don’t know if you are as sweet, nice and funny as you seem or whether you are a player to the nth degree. But you know what, it doesn’t matter. What matters is how I remember you - a smart, seemingly honest, down-to-earth, funny, adventurous guy who made me smile.
I had fun — even when sober. (Admit it, you did too… )
Thanks.
I’ll see you when I see you.
From: Lory the Programmer
Let me tell you about my high school. I studied in an all-girls Catholic school in Cebu. Many of the classmates I graduated with were my classmates since Grade 1. We are about 200 students in our batch. We graduated in 1997. So it has been 10 years since our graduation and I am fortunate enough to see a bunch of them when they come visit me or when I visit them.
It’s funny how easily you share stories with your high school friends even after all the years of separation. You may have a single lunch after 2 years and another dinner after another 2 years. But still you catch up with years’ worth of life stories during these times. The people you were not close with in high school may turn out to be your bestest bud at this stage in your life or , maybe you still won’t be close to that high school friend after that encounter. But still there are still a lot of things to talk about – from gossip to personal life stories.
I will certainly not pass up an opportunity to get together with any of my old classmates, because it sure is fun!
Physical violence in relationships is a very sensitive issue. It is spoken in whispers. Physical abuse may be between husbands and wives, live-in partners or even just a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Lucky women are able to get out fo the abusive relationship and make the guilty party pay for his offense. Other women are not so lucky. Although they are able to get out of the abusive relationship, they are not able to fight for their trampled right and seek justice for themselves. The unlucky ones stay in the abusive relationship, out of fear or out of emotional dependence.
What do you do when you know your friend or someone you know is a victim of violence? I would strongly suggest (this suggestion came from a friend of mine) to go to the Women’s Desk at the nearest Police Station. If they have a medico-legal there, then have yourself examined. If not, go to your nearest Government hospital and look for a medico-legal. These Government offices are open 24-hours. You can go there anytime. Whether or not you decide to file a case against the erring partner is up to you. At least with your medical records you have proof in your hands.
In these cases, time is of the essence. As soon as you have sustained your injuries and the abusive partner is nowhere in sight, go, have it reported. If it takes days for your to report, there might be some question raised. But in the extreme case that you were not able to report it because you were afraid for your life, then the lapse of time before you had your injuries reported may be excuseable. But please, do it now. Have those injuries reported. There is no shame. Don’t hide it in a bunch of long-sleeved shirts or pants. People who do this deserved to be exposed as the animals that they really are.
Also, when the attack happens, if possible, shout and make some noise. Attract attention so you can get witnesses. Do everything in your power to record and detail the event. So if ever you decide to file a case, you will have a strong one.
I hope society, in general, is provoked by this kind of behavior. People will not just close its eyes, talk about it like some juicy gossip and not do anything. Domestic violence is more than just gossip. It is a violation of another person’s human rights. It is a private issue, true. We, as outsiders cannot tell the victim or the perpetrator what to do. Petpetrators of violence also need help because it is obvious that they have anger management issues that may be due to a lot of factors. Drug use may be one of them. We can take a more pro-active stance by listening and being there for the victim and give them the right, empowering information so she can make an intelligent choice on her next course of action.
Again, there is no shame. These things happen. We have to deal with it the best way we can.
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