You are currently browsing the tag archive for the 'Dating' tag.
Trip 4: November 2008
I did not have a specific reason why I went to NYC that time. I just missed it so much. Everytime I watch CSI NY or any TV show or movie shot in NYC, I felt a tugging in my heart.
Also I felt really lethargic in Manila. To tell you the truth, it is only my son that gave me energy. I didn’t even go out or see much of my friends.
So I went back.
1. I subletted in Williamsburg. It is a cool place in Brooklyn, very near Manhattan. There are lots of restaurants, artsy places and people. I’m off the Bedford L Stop.
This is Parallel Parking, NYC style. Bumper to Bumper. Pic taken in Williamsburg
2. My two roommates were guys. This was a first for me. But it was cool. They are cool people.
3. I met other interesting people as well – an engineer, a start-up founder and a guy who loves salsa.
4. I had another salsa class conducted by a Google engineer. He loves salsa and teaches it for free in his free time. He’s a good teacher too. I met very interesting people in that class from all continents of the world. I love the diversity of NYC!
5. I became more familiar with the East and West Village, and the Upper East side.
6. Oh and since Trip 3, I don’t bring a subway map with me anymore. I just hop on a train and look at the maps in the station in case I get lost. Important things to remember are in which avenues the subway lines are, where you can get from the east side to the west side, and what stations have the most transfers.
9. I saw my first Broadway show, Chicago with my HS friend and her friends. It was good!
10. My City Moment:
As I was walking from the east side to the west side and I stopped in the middle of Columbus circle, looked up and just marveled at the skyscapers, then looked around and marveled at all the cars and people. Inside the Circle, the sounds of the city toned down a bit. They say it is because of the way Columbus Circle is designed. Nonetheless, you just can feel the hectic pace of the city.
Trip 3: June-July 2008
It was after a conference in Michigan that I dropped by NYC again and not only that, extended my trip for a month! I didn’t stay with my mom’s friend in Brooklyn because they had a falling out.
1. I discovered SUBLETTING! And I discovered truly how expensive space is in NYC. I and my friend Alyssa, who flew in for LA and stayed in NYC for a week subletted a place in the Upper West Side. She stayed for a week. I stayed in the UWS for a month.
2. I had American girls as roommates. The first one was a native New Yorker. She teaches in a Bronx Elementary school. The other one is a law school student from Indiana. We hung out and went to a wine place, a dive bar and some restaurants.
3. I played tourist guide to Alyssa, although I am a tourist myself. We went to the basics- 42nd, Central Park, Rockefeller,Statue of Liberty. And we watched Sex and the City when it was showing .. in New York City!!!
4. Again, of course, we went clubbing. I met some few interesting people. I am slowly getting to learn the rules here when it comes to dating in NYC — there are NO RULES. You make your own!
5. I supposed to go skydiving but the weather conditions prevented it. Twas a shame.
6. I subletted another place in Fort Greene in Brooklyn after my sublet in the UWS expired. I discovered good good varied restaurants in Brooklyn.
7. We went to Hershey Farm in Pensylvannia with my HS friends.
8. I celebrated my birthday with the guy from Trip 2. It was very nice. 
9. For some reason, I felt I had money during the trip. I grew tired of the subway and took cabs. NYC cabs have a small TV and can accept credit card payments. Isn’t that cool?? Then after I tallied all the cab receipts, I vowed to take the subway if possible. NYC is an expensive city, that’s all that I can say.
The TV with the info channel and a credit card swiper. Love it!
10. My City Moment:
Walking in Battery Park after our Statue of Liberty Trip and then going past by City Hall and heading to Wall St.
TRIP 2: (November 2005)
This is when starts to get interesting. That year was full of drama for me relationship wise. So I decided to go back to my favorite place to “unwind and find myself”.
1. I still stayed with my mom’s friend in Brooklyn. They moved further up to Avenue U. They are a nice Filipino family and they cook good Filipino food.
2. I tried the NJ Transit. I spent Thanksgiving with my HS friends in Jersey. One flew from Seattle. The other drove from Virginia.
3. I explored Central Park with my HS friends. It was fun!
4. I geared up for autumn with the signature “all-black” New York look.
5. I went clubbing with my HS friends 3 nights in a row during Thanksgiving weekend. We entered into one club that was “exclusive” for a group of people. We didn’t know it. People there stared at us until we felt uncomfortable and left. We went to another one with so many, many handsome guys but very few girls. We said, “Yay!!”. But then when we saw the guys holding each others’ hands we realized that this won’t be our scene. We had so much fun. We laughed and laughed until we decided to drink beer and watch TV in a sports bar. When it closed we waited for an hour in a cafe so we can get the first morning bus to New Jersey where our HS friend lives.
6. I dated my first native New Yorker. I liked him. I really did.
7. I went to MoMa with my college friend. I also went inside the American Museum of Natural History and the Wax Museum alone.
9. I got to know the subway a bit better although I still need to bring my map.
No shortage of Underground Talent in NYC
10. My City Moment:
When I was riding the Q train going back to Brooklyn at 7AM , a group of Mexican singers with a violin, caracas and guitar jumped on board. They sang a Spanish love song as the Q train gave a wonderful view of the Manhattan skyline. That was my last day in the City.
1. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…
-> Yes. It is all about independence, freedom and empowerment.
2. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …. something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…
-> I have nothing perfect to wear. It takes me more than an hour to find an “acceptable” piece.
3. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..a youth she’s content to leave behind….
-> I don’t know. I wish my youth involved more travelling.
4. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE … a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….
-> Most definitely. My grandkids will not accuse me of being a boring grandma! 
5. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …..a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
-> Yep yep.
6. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…
-> I am lucky to have intelligent, funny and dependable friends.
7. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…
-> Yep. Art and some pieces from China.
8. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored…
-> yes to the 1st and 2nd. My recipes aren’t that great.. but hey, you gotta give me A for effort.
9. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..a feeling of control over her destiny…
-> I try to but sometimes there are either life and death circumstances and historic events that happen in our lifetime that shake us to our core and make us feel lost and vulnerable.
10. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW….how to fall in love without losing herself..
-> That is difficult. That is why i’m scared of falling in love.
11. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship…
-> Still learning. It takes a great deal of finesse and class.
12. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW …when to try harder …and WHEN TO WALK AWAY.
-> Sometimes walking away takes more guts.
13. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…how to deal with the fact that she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
-> I’m struggling with this. Insecurities surface and there are still unresolved issues with my family. but i have ope ned a channel of communication with them and that was a big step for me.
14. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… that her childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over…
-> It takes a conscious effort of letting go. I’m almost there.
15. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…
-> I guess I know now what is worth fighting for ,and how much I am worth and how much I am willing to give. Took great many tears, goodbyes and mistakes to finally realize that.
16. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..how to live alone, even if she doesn’t like it…
-> Yep. The first and most important relationship you build is a relationship with yourself.
17. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .whom she can trust, whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…
-> Ah, yes.
18. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… where to go… be it to her best friend’s kitchen table.. or a charming Inn in the woods… when her soul needs soothing…
-> yeah… i have 3 places in my list.
19. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…What she can and can’t accomplish in a day… a month…and a year…
-> Nobody is a superwoman. I have to set my priorities. As of now, it is: motherhood and career.
This article hit home. This is worth reposting.
LADIES, READ CAREFULLY:
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can’t “be friends”.
A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
Don’t settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.”
You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He
didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man’s behaviour. Change comes from within.
Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…
even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else’s man.
If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships…there is nothing cute about
baggage… deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…a relationship consists
of two WHOLE individuals…look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.
Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always know where you are, and
you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man.
Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)…
You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate
them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships
that are abusive or hurtful.
You should know that you’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone
and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing.
If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the
only one. They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one.
Ladies take care of your own hearts….
My friend and I had this discussion last night. Through the years we have known each other, we have come to realize how impressionable we were, especially when it comes to men. Yes, men (in our personal and professional lives) And the thing is, I think of us as reasonably level-headed women who are not lacking in critical thinking skills when it comes to other subject matters. But when it comes to men - yes, we are impressionable sans the independent critical thinking. Oh so sad. (I blame it on the hormones)
Being impressionable means being easily impressed or influenced. Is he intelligent? Is he succesful? For me, if the answer is “yes”, then I get impressed. So impressed that I sometimes overlook how he acts, how he treats me or other people. If the answer is “yes”, then I get influenced. So influenced that only his opinion matters and I stop thinking for myself. And God help me if the answer is “yes” and he’s damn sexy too! (thinking skills thrown out the window!)
Don’t get me wrong. I highly respect these men. I value their opinion and I admire their accomplishments. BUT, I still need to be objective. The respect and admiration is still there, but when I am dealing with them, I have to remember take what they are saying, observe how they are acting and think and formulate an opinion for myself. I have to make sure we are on the same page and his interest and my interest are parallel. If our interests are indeed parallel, then I got myself an intelligent ally who might turn out to be a good friend. If not, then, at least there was no miscommunication and failed expectations – no harm, no foul.
Now, my friend and I are slowly learning. Yeah, sometimes we still swoon (for lack of better term). But at the end of the day/week/month (depends really, but we are gunning for a week, the latest) after meeting this highly intelligent and successful person and relating to him at work or in a social capacity, we try to “disassociate” ourselves from the strong initial impression and admiration and actually do the not-so-fun job of honest and objective evaluation.
Let me add to what Fergie said: “Big girls don’t cry AND big girls think and listen to themselves first.”
Dear ****,
I don’t know you that well. And I don’t know if we’ll meet again. I don’t know if you are as sweet, nice and funny as you seem or whether you are a player to the nth degree. But you know what, it doesn’t matter. What matters is how I remember you - a smart, seemingly honest, down-to-earth, funny, adventurous guy who made me smile.
I had fun — even when sober. (Admit it, you did too… )
Thanks.
I’ll see you when I see you.
From: Lory the Programmer
I was in a club last Saturday and I met this really interesting person. I had more than 30 minutes of quite interesting intellectual conversation with a Jewish guy who apparantly owns a big outsourcing company here in the Philippines. He had been a software engineer in the US and he had his MBA from the US also. He said his forte is Corporate Strategy. He’s around 40 (my guess) and he dances funny. We got a chance to talk amidst the loud blaring musing and after some drinks.
He asked me about my line of work. He asked very specific questions that required very detailed answers. I tried to be general about my answers by saying that I work in LISP with AI projects. And we are independent contractors and our parent company manages mutual funds through an AI software. But no.. he wanted details.
Me: (Hestitating) Well, it is a long explanation and it may get complicated.
Guy: Try me.
Me: Okay. We have our own proprietary environment, language and software.. blah, blah..blah.
Guy: AI is a general term? What branch of AI do you deal with?
Me: Natural Language Processing.
Guy: What aspect of NLP do you deal with?
Me: Well.. (Hesistating)
Guy: C’mon. You won’t lose me. I will understand you. I get things quickly.
Me: Hmm.. Okay. Primarily our interest is text summarization….blah blah blah.
Guy: (Shifting topic) So you only deal with stocks what about other equities? And your return is quite low. I had a friend that does algorithmic development and he get this much blah blah … in a year.
Me: Well, we have different products depending on the risk you want to take….blah blah blah
Guy: So you went to to law school for a bit then you did this work. What was your undergrad?
Me: Mathematics.
Guy: (Surprised) So what is square root of two over two?
Me: (stumped) I don’t know. (I’m such a moron! )
Guy: (Laughing) (And she said she’s BS Math?!?)
Me: Seriously. I know square root of two is two raised to the power one half and you divide it by two raised to the power one.
Guy: No, no. It’s fine , really.
*Waaaaahhhhhh*
I was kinda pissed. I had those really good answers before he asked the square root question. I could not for the life of me get the square root of two over two. I felt my four years of Math education was for naught. I asked my friend who is a computer science graduate the question what is square root of two over two. He said 1.
Then I realized that it may have different interpretations:
Well, I chose Interpretation B, because of the following reasons: We say Interpretation A as square root of quantity 2 over 2 to emphasize that the fraction 2/2 is inside the square root sign. In the absence of the “quantity” term, Interpretation B applies. Also I never encountered a math exam or exercise that asked me to get the the square root of 2/2.
I asked my Math teacher who is also my colleague. He said .707, which is 1 over square root of two, which is two raised to the power one half divided by two raised to the power one, which is two raised to the power negative one half. I asked another math graduate and after confusing it with math identities, he said that it’s .707.
My colleague who is a Computer Science as his friends who are CS graduates. Their answers are one.
I guess for a question like: What is the square root of two over two, the answer depends on your background. Of course, that doesn’t justify my “I don’t know” answer which until know makes me angry at myself. I should have known better. Still, I felt that the conversation was like a job interview inside a club! My friend who was with me in the club told me that he worked for that guy’s company before and he’s brilliant. His company is one of the biggest outsourcing companies in the Philippines. Obviously! I explained my work, our business model and he got it in one explanation inside a club. He rephrased my statements and asked the right questions. I felt like I was in a job interview!
How would you interpret square root of two over two?
Kinda weird conversation inside a club, eh?
Still.. saying I don’t know, made me feel like a moron.
I revisted my past just last week. I had the most honest conversation with my ex for 3 years. Time heals wounds, they say. I totally agree with that. Our relationship had been rife with drama that telenovelas are made up of. And I am NOT exaggerating. We had lied to each other, hurt each other, but always had been together when the chips were most down. We had been in love.
But it was not meant to be.
Our priorities were different. We could not learn to work-out our differences. And circumstances conspired to keep us apart.
What is happily ever after? It is when two people decide to commit to build and spend their lives together. What does it take to make that kind of commitment? Love is a factor, yes. But timing makes a difference.
You are in love but you are not finacially ready. You are in love but your career forces you to be apart. You are in love but you are beset with responsibilties. You are in love but you still have a lot of growing up to do. In the name of true love, others might force the issue and go for happily ever after anyway. We almost went for it, but common sense prevailed.
On the other hand, you are emotionally, financially ready to make that commitment but aren’t in love. Sometimes others are willing to wait for the right one or others settle for the person they could learn to love.
In a perfect world, the pieces all fit. You are ready and the right one comes along. But, hey, only a few people live in a perfect world. In this world, we have to make do with what we have and learn how to make the best of what we have chosen.
We, after a tumultuous relationship, bad break-up, are now good friends for life. We have accepted the reality that we are not meant to be but the bittersweet memories will always stay with us. And that, is our happily ever after.
Should I or shouldn’t I? I know, I know. I am a coward. I’ll walk away.
I have lost my nerve. Or maybe I am just more cautious.
It’s all for the best.
Sorry, this is a cryptic post. For those I have shared my dilemma with, you understand, don’t you, on the reason why I am walking away. I’m scared I might get too involved. I want to take things easy for awhile.
SocialVibe